Tryst with BSNL

Telephones have always fascinated me. Especially the one with older model dial pad. I used to love even the dial tone. We had our own landline very late compared to my friends and neighbors. Whenever I got a chance to be alone with a telephone I used to play with the dial pad. I used to dial random numbers and cut them without answering. I used to get such opportunities whenever I visited my Dad's office during Saturdays or when I visited some of my rich friends.

Those days the telephones used to smell differently. There used to be a scent which was used over the telephones which gave that scent. Sometimes I remember it was even used as an alternate to body perfume.

Before we received our own we used to receive calls at our neighbors and they will give us a shout that we have a call. We will feel sorry that we are causing trouble to them but we had no other choice. Also we should be conscious of the time we speak.

When my parents applied for one I was elated. The process was to apply with the telephones department by paying a deposit and you had to wait till they provide you with one. We received it in 1999 and I was already an year out of college. 

By the time we received ours the dial pad had changed to modern button based one. But still I loved it. We had our own landline and was happy that I can fill the telephone column in all application forms.

Over the period Chennai Telephones had undergone so many changes. I used BSNL for my internet connection as well. The service level continued to deteriorate and sometimes can frustrate you beyond what you can take.

Today I surrendered my almost 22 year number. I didn't want to do that but the phone was out of order for 2 months and they didn't care to fix it. I was left with no other choice other than to close it. The process was pretty simple than expected. They didn't ask me anything. It was as if they were just waiting for me to come with closure request.

The memories of BSNL and our number will always remain with me.

So long, my friend

The news that my best friend is no more came as a rude shock to me. Best friends stay always in touch, not in my case. The last I met him was 6 years ago in Mar 2013. That visit happened after almost 12 years if I am right. With him goes so many pages in my life. There are so many firsts that happened with him. He was like a pillar of strength during the school days. Even though we had to go separate ways right after eleventh we managed to keep in touch, that is till 2013.

Not a single day goes without me planning a visit to meet him but now when I know that the visit is never going to happen it is indeed painful. I curse myself for not making that visit. So many unspoken words will now remain unspoken.

Nungambakkam was the connecting point for us. How many times I have walked through Loyola to his home. The last time we met he dropped me at Nungambakkam station. I never knew that will be the last time I will see him. I was going through a rough patch at that time and he spoke so many encouraging words.

The times we roamed around in his BSA SLR are still fresh in my mind. The Lacto King candies we shared. The adolescent teenage talks we did. These will never go away from my mind. From now on only  I will carry those memories as you are not there.

We know the bitter truth about life that everything should come to an end but still when it happens it hurts.

I know his family is going to miss him more than anyone else.

There are so many things to write. I don't know what to write.

My dear friend I am sorry I didn't make that visit. Wherever you are I hope we will meet again once more.

Death

From the beginning only death is certain. Birth fails some but death is certain.

As it is shared in twitter through WTF facts "10 out of 10 people die" "At some point of time in earth we will be the next person to die, it might be for very short time though"

Non-healing wounds

There is a saying that time heals everything but I guess even that comes with exceptions. There are indeed certain wounds which doesn't heal even after long time. Sometimes it can even become more painful. It's like once the damage is done it's permanent. Everybody gets one life and for many that is not a pleasant experience.

There's also another saying count your blessings sometimes even 1000 blessings cannot heal one disaster.

The "road not taken" feeling is for another blog.

One Way

A road is marked as one way. I go in wrong direction in that road. I will be caught by the police and punished for rule violation.

A road is marked as one way. A police vehicle is parked and police looks upon when people go in wrong direction. They don't take any action. Now shouldn't they be punished for breaking their rule which is to catch those breaking the laws?

In India laws are made by police and not by constitution. The ones made by constitution are just in papers.

Rightmantra

I came to know about Sundar through his website www.onlysuperstar.com. I used to follow his website very closely for Rajini related updates which he used to give in a interesting manner. Once I even had the opportunity to talk to him through phone. Though it was once I remember the conversation very well.

I also witnessed his move from www.onlysuperstar.com to www.rightmantra.com. This was indeed a big change. I still wonder what made him to change his direction. Once he moved to his new website I didn't notice any reference to Rajini in any of his post. I even used to wonder if he still considered himself as Rajini's fan.

He became a full time website manager and then I stopped monitoring his website but occasionally used to wonder if he was still running the website.

His new avatar was totally different it made me see a different side of him. I used to wonder can a person be as humble as him. He even had a apt nick name simplesundar.

Today accidentally I came across the news that he met with an accident today and he is no more.

I am at loss of words. I immediately visited his website and found he had even posted an article yesterday.

This just reminds that death is just right at our doorstep and the distance between life and death is just a simple line.

I have never met him in person but our common interest brought us close. I have just had one conversation with him but his passing away is like losing a very good friend. It is now very painful to go back and read his old posts in www.rightmantra.com.

I never thought I will be writing a post on him.

Sundar, you will be missed.

Nungambakkam

It's going to be difficult to utter this stations name in future. How much ever we try we will not be able to ignore the horror which happened.

The scary part is there is a guy roaming around the city who committed such a atrocity in broad daylight. He might just be walking very close to us in road or travelling right next to us in the train or sharing a cup of tea in a tea stall with us.

So many questions, so many thoughts, so many emotions. I am only reminded of Death this post. Everything seems meaningless.

Follow up

When I decided to pen this blog I didn't realize the previous post was on the same topic.

The train stopped between Nungambakkam and Chetpet. The already sultry weather in chennai was making it uncomfortable to sit inside the train. Outside a dark black sewage was running where once was a river. I started getting restless and started cussing. I was getting late to the beach. My precious time was being wasted by this useless train.

Suddenly I heard some commotion outside. I could see some people standing and observing the train. This is a sign that something bad has happened. Within few minutes I could see some people carrying a guy by his arms and legs. His dresses were torn. My initial thoughts was that the guy must be drunk and some fight might be going outside. I could see them carrying them little further. There was no sign of the train starting and it was getting even worse inside the train.

Within few minutes there was another set of people and they were carrying another guy. He was not in good shape either. I could see the first group has placed the guy on the ground and it looked like the guy was sitting on his knees and the people were inquiring him. After sometime they were carried further towards parked share autos.

Someone inside said "They were standing close to the rails and the train rubbed them off".

The train moved and I heaved a sigh of relief. Now I can go and spend some time at the beach.

I went to the beach and also had samosa channa.

Today I read that the two guys I noticed, being carried away were students of a certain college and were aged 19. They were indeed run over by the train in which I was travelling. The article also said that one guy died on the way to the hospital and other succumbed to injuries at the hospital.

Death

Sometimes the sperms die before they meet the eggs - Infertility
Sometimes it is killed - Spermicide
Sometimes it meets and life is born and aborted - Abortion
The fortunate or unfortunate one makes it through all this and is faced with this chaotic world. Shocked, it enters with a cry.
Some succumb, to various diseases waiting to take it away to where it came from.
To make the first birthday it's a big struggle.
It struggles to hold its neck, to turnover, to crawl, to sit, to stand, to walk. It's a struggle but it manages.
Even before it can reach 2 it's pushed into PreKG. It's a struggle.
It has to be in school at time when even it's father will still be in bed. It's a struggle right from PreKG to LKG to High School to Higher Secondary. Then college to job to wedding to having it's own baby to death. The path is not rosy.
At every stage the struggle only gets tougher.
Some die half way making all the struggle they went through to reach that stage just meaning less. All the struggle goes in vain. There is absolutely no meaning to all the suffering.

Manorama

Wes Craven

When I was young and we rent a VCR for a weekend movie marathon one movie which will always be considered for viewing is "A nightmare on elm street".

When I grew up the voice "Hello Cindy" sent goosebumps.

Wes Craven is no more.

Tragedy

Today witnessed a very tragic event. When such things happen it just makes us wonder what is the purpose of life?

If tragedies can be measured in a scale does everyone get the same amount of tragic events in one's life?

Some lives are taken away even before it blossoms.

It is a very highly unpredictable world we live in.

You know what makes it even more scary? The thought that "In all this meaningless meandering course of life what if there is no GOD and the net result is zero".

Humankind needs especially the people I witnessed today need all the compassion in the world. Let GOD be with them.

Abdul Kalam

James Horner

I am a big fan of James Horner. It is sad to learn that he passed away in an accident. His music will remain forever.

RIP James Horner

Gone Too Soon

One person dies in full vigor,

    completely secure and at ease,

well nourished in body,

    bones rich with marrow.

       Another dies in bitterness of soul,

    never having enjoyed anything good.

Side by side they lie in the dust,

    and worms cover them both

Job 21:23-26

Gone Too Soon - Something I wrote not too long ago reflects the same thoughts from the Bible

Every time when we are cribbing that everyone else other than us is more blessed than we are, we hear a news which highlights the suffering other people are undergoing.

Today I heard of another news where another friend of me passed away when she is not supposed to. It is just that when we see such things happening around us it reminds us how futile this life is but how much we hold this life dear to us. When we look at it with birds eye or through GODs eyes every ones life will look so insignificant in the vast timescale of this earth. But to each their life is the only life they get and it is their only and last chance. Though we know all the philosophy surrounding life it is always difficult to accept death when it happens. 

Gone too soon

The title of this blog is a line from one of MJs songs. I have been noticing from my childhood people dying when they were still young to die. First such event to which I witnessed was the death of one of my friends father. I still remember going to his house on the way back from school wondering what I will say to him when I meet him. It also left me wondering even at that age why should he be fatherless for the rest of his life and how difficult such a life would be when greater percentage of the population including me doesn't have to go through such a tragedy.

People keep dying when it is not time to die. Is there a right time to die? Is it above 60 or is it above 70? Some guys live long enough to see their children's children's children while some die right while being born. For a larger population to be happy there is always a marginal percentage of people who go through suffering.

There are Champagnes which costs more than some people could earn in their life. When people are born in this world everyone is entitled enjoy the resources of this world but some people struggle for even the basic necessities such as water and air while another section gets to enjoy the choicest items of this world.

The world is not a fair place which also make it very difficult to understand the entity who created such a place but only the hope on such an entity makes it easy to go through each day.

Best Laid Plans

Some of the best laid plans remain as plans and never see the light of execution. There are certain things you plan assuming certain things will happen but when those certain things don't happen, the certain things you planned remains just as a plan. When you know that it is going to remain as just a plan and you can't do nothing about it that's something which will hurt you so much. Sometimes you have hope and you hope that one day you will get to execute the plans but sometimes you know for sure it will remain as only a plan.

Some times the memory and remembrance of an event is more painful than the event itself.

Sad day

Two pigeons had formed a nest in our home. They have been there for more than two months. Two small birds were hatched a month back. The first thing I do when I come out in the morning is to check for those birds. The big ones used to fly away seeing me but the small ones will remain in the nest. During night one of the big pigeon will stay with the small ones while the other one will stay little further. It had become a habit for me to check those pigeons day and night.

Yesterday a Narikurava guy had hit one of the pigeons where we were not there. Now one of the big ones is dead and there were blood all over. When I had to dispose of the body it was one the most difficult thing to do. When I lifted its body by holding its legs it was difficult to believe this was the one which was so full of life. This was the one which used to stay little further from the small ones. Last night when I looked at the place where it used to sit, it was empty. I could feel what the other big pigeon might be feeling sitting there all alone wondering where the other one was.

His Masters Voice

I heard through my friend and today read it in papers that HMV is planning to close its operations. HMV has always been synonymous with DVDs for me. When I was there in UK not a weekend passes without me visiting this beautiful store.

HMV along with Virgin Megastore used to be my two favorite shops. Virgin actually scored above HMV as it beat HMV in price but HMV always remained a symbol of music and movies.

Sometime back I heard Virgin Megastore closed its doors in UK and now HMV is following the same footsteps. Yes this was something expected as the online market is gaining popularity when compared to the traditional shops. But online shopping can never replace the pleasure of browsing through 1000s of physical discs and finally selecting something which you have been wishing for a long time. Now with HMV closing its doors thats the last nail on such a feeling. The future generation will never get to experience the feeling. When we realize HMVs famous logo, especially the faithful dog will soon be going into oblivion it is really painful.

What would you do?

What would you do when things happen to you which you have always heard happening to people known to your friends friend? things which you assumed will happen only to others? when you know you belong to the minority? when things worse than whatever you had assumed as the worst thing that can happen to you?

In the last few days life has proved to be very difficult to live with. Yes in just a second everything you have built till that point of time can collapse like a castle of cards. The places and things which looked normal now looks like haunted and creepy places. You try to forget certain things but it doesn't last long. It just comes back at you at the speed of a tsunami. Heart is one heck of an organ it is able to withstand so much pressure.

Life has never been fair. Chance and Luck plays a major factor in how your life shapes up. I have wished many times that I had been a different person than who I am now. I wish I hadn't come across certain things, certain people which/who has shaped me who I am. I never had control over those situations but those situations had done some permanent damage from which I will never be able to recover.

How long will this agony, called life will continue? I know there is an end but 'when' is the question.